At precisely eight-o-five
Doctor Frederick von Meier
Will attempt his famous dive
Through a solid sheet of luminescent fire.

In the center of the ring
They are torturing a bear
And although he cannot sing
They can make him whistle Londondderry Air

And the price is right,
The cost of one admission is your mind

We shall shortly institute
A synopticon of fear
While it's painful, it will suit
Many customers whose appetities are queer

Or for those who wish to pay
There are children you can bleed
In a most peculiar way
We can give you all the instruments you'll need

And the price is right,
The cost of one admission is your mind

If you're harder yet to serve
We have most delightful dreams;
Our recorders will preserve
The intensity and passion of your screams.

For we only aim to please;
It's our customers who gain
As their appetities increase
They must come to us for pleasure and for pain.

And the price is right,
The cost of one admission is your mind.

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