I've been feeling dull as a coat hanger
Pretty as a picture of a patient on a fresh IV
Giddy as a g_______er with a set of sutures where his magic johnson ought to be

Yes, I'll tell you just the thing you need to be the next big thing
Let's start in with a test of your intelligence
And zest for the counter-productive

Up and down and roundabout and out the back
And keep your mouth shut tight
The lights are staying out, but no sweat, I've got aim like a mack truck

Guess how many fingers, okay, guess how many more I can fit there
Guess right, get the toaster, but you know, miss, guessing gets you nowhere

I've been baking cakes for the enemy
I've been dying to find out the hard way
I've been taking friends to the alleyway
Two down now, but who's counting, anyway

Yes, I can do everything you need from out of my new SUV
All my work is guaranteed to last the length of your recovery
Put away those pliers, honey, trust me, 'cause I know the options
How about a nine-month long vacation and a two-foot coffin

I've been getting up close and intimate
Some close calls, but, oh, I'm getting into it
In some states, they say you can burn for it
But I'll burn that bridge when I get to it, oh

It's not a bad thing
To get professional
It's got a nice ring
Oh, Mandy goes to med school, woah
La, la, oh, oh
Hey

Hey

I've been taking tips from the government
I've been getting d___ good at hiding it
Fifty bucks a month ought to cover it
Two down now, but who's gonna notice it

And if you show up and I am unavailable
My partner Brian would love to take care of you

He is a nice man
Thoroughly reliable
He's in a rock band
And he goes to med school
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, he goes to med school, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh
He goes to med school

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