Performed by Adam Sandler and Conan O Brian

"And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a
prestigious college."

Dean: "Well Michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations
on your upcoming graduation and I understand you are interested in
matriculating here in the fall."

Buffoon: "I got a snake, man!"

Dean: "Yes, pets are welcome here on campus. Be it the traditional dog,
or cat, or even the occasional reptile."

Buffoon: "One time I fed it some beer man! It was slithering this way
and that! It was all f___ed up!"

Dean: "I'm sure it was. Well we discourage inappropriate drinking among
both students and pets here on campus."

Buffoon: "f___in' s___!"

Dean: "Yes, that's a not uncommon reaction to this policy. So tell me a
little bit more about your background."

Buffoon: "My father's a f___ing a__hole, man!"

Dean: "Hmm, I see. Your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age
son."

Buffoon: "My mother's a piece of s___ too!"

Dean: "Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility over the
summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed and ready to
learn."

Buffoon: "My teacher in high school was a stupid b____, man! She had her
head way up her a__!"

Dean: "Well the quality of the faculty at a University such as ours far
exceeds that of a local public high school."

Buffoon: "Your secretary's a real fat b____, man!"

Dean: "Yes, she's tried many diets over the years with minimal success."

Buffoon: "I had diarhea last month. I had to s___ all f___ing day!"

Dean: "Uh huh, Well we all get the occasional stomach bug, never a
pleasurable experience. So have you given any thought to your choice of
major?"

Buffoon: "I've got a big f___ing b____ right now."

Dean: "I see. Well s__ual arrousal is not uncommon during periods of
nervous tension. I do not take offense."

Buffoon: "One time I ate my neighbors s___!"

Dean: "That's understandable. Well, I enjoyed meeting you. We'll be
sending you our decision by the end of the month."

Buffoon: "I bet you got really hairy b____."

Dean: "Yes, it's a veritable forest down there. Bye bye."

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