She had just turned twenty nine,
(needed a good ironing),
Smelling like a tench,
(face looked like a welder's bench),
Her tights were baggy at the rear,
(she could fart for Lancashire),
She said she liked the taste of my bell-end cheddar,
And she asked me if I wanted to bed her.

She was desperate for a f___,
(said her c___ was healing up)
She had piles and NSU,
(creepy crawlies in her p___s)
Dribbling out of her womb
(more s____ (seamen) than the QE2)

I've never been to bed with an ugly woman,
But I've woken up with one or two,
(No he's never been to bed with an ugly woman,
But he's woken up with quite a few.)

Stretch marks on her b__,
(Tasted pies for t__terton's),
Stretch marks on her b__,
(Tasted pies for t__terton's),
Stretch marks on her b__,
(Tasted pies for t__terton's),
Stretch marks on her b__.

I've never been to bed with an ugly woman,
But I've woken up with one or two,
(No he's never been to bed with an ugly woman,
But he's woken up with quite a few.)

©1988 The Macc Lads

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