I was riding on the Mayflower when I thought I spied some land
I yelled for Captain Arab I have yuh understand
Who came running to the deck said "Boys, forget the whale
Look on over yonder cut the engines, change the sail
Haul on the bowline"; we sang that melody
Like all tough sailors do when they are far away at sea

I think I'll call it America, I said as we hit land
I took a deep breath, I fell down, I could not stand
Captain Arab he started writing up some deeds
He said, "Let's set up a fort and start buying the place with beads"
Just then this cop comes down the street crazy as a loon
He throw us all in jail for carryin' harpoons

Ah me I busted out don't even ask me how
I went to get some help I walked by a Guernsey cow
Who directed me down to the Bowery slums
Where people carried signs around saying, "Ban the b__s"
I jumped right into line sayin',"I hope that I'm not late"
When I realized I hadn't eaten for five days straight

I went into a restaurant lookin' for the cook
I told them I was the editor of a famous etiquette book
The waitress he was handsome he wore a powder blue cape
I ordered some suzette, I said "Could you please make that crepe"
Just then the whole kitchen exploded from boilin' fat
Food was flying everywhere and I left without my hat

Now, I didn't mean to be nosy but I went into a bank
To get some bail for Arab and all the boys back in the tank
They asked me for some collateral and I pulled down my pants
They threw me in the alley when up comes this girl from France
Who invited me to her house I went, but she had a friend
Who knocked me out and robbed my boots and I was on the street again

Well, I rapped upon a house with the U.S. flag upon display
I said, "Could you help me out I got some friends down the way"
The man says, "Get out of here I'll tear you limb from limb"
I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too" He said, "You're not Him
Get out of here before I break your bones I ain't your pop"
I decided to have him arrested and I went looking for a cop

I ran right outside and I hopped inside a cab
I went out the other door this Englishman said, "Fab"
As he saw me leap a hot dog stand and a chariot that stood
Parked across from a building advertising brotherhood
I ran right through the front door like a hobo sailor does
But it was just a funeral parlor and the man asked me who I was

I repeated that my friends were all in jail, with a sigh
He gave me his card, he said, "Call me if they die"
I shook his hand and said goodbye ran out to the street
When a bowling ball came down the road and knocked me off my feet
A pay phone was ringing, it just about blew my mind
When I picked it up and said hello this foot came through the line

Well, by this time I was fed up at tryin' to make a stab
At bringin' back any help for my friends and Captain Arab
I decided to flip a coin, like either heads or tails
Would let me know if I should go back to ship or back to jail
So I hocked my sailor suit and I got a coin to flip
It came up tails it rhymed with sails
So I made it back to the ship

Well, I got back and took the parkin' ticket off the mast
I was ripping it to shreds when this coastguard boat went past
They asked me my name and I said, "Captain Kidd"
They believed me but they wanted to know
What exactly that I did I said for the Pope of Eruke
I was employed they let me go right away they were very paranoid

Well, the last I heard of Arab he was stuck on a whale
That was married to the deputy sheriff of the jail
But the funniest thing was when I was leavin' the bay
I saw three ships a-sailin' they were all heading my way
I asked the captain what his name was and how come he didn't drive a truck
He said his name was Columbus I just said, "Good luck".

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