Adam Sandler Toll Booth Willie Lyrics

*Performed by Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, Tim Meadows, David Spade, Steve Koren, Tim Herlihy, and Margaret Ruden*

*Car approaches*
Toll Booth Willie: "Welcome to Worchester. Dollar twenty-five please."
M1: "Hey, how ya doin' Toll Booth Willie?"
Toll Booth Willie: "Good! Thanks fer askin, pop!"
M1: "Aww, that's great, you know, considering yer a f___in' idiot!"
*Pays toll and drives off*
Toll Booth Willie: "Go f___ yourself you son of a b____! I'll come right outta the booth and f___in' whack ya, you f___in' p____!"

*Another car approaches*
M2: "Hey, hey, Willie! Hows it going?"
Toll Booth Willie: "Hey, can't complain, pop. Hows 'bout you?"
M2: "Oh, great, great. How much?"
Toll Booth Willie: "The state charges a dollar twenty-five, pop."
M2: "That's fine. Now should I give you the money, or should I shove the quarters directly up your fat a__!?"
*Pays toll and drives off*
Toll Booth Willie: "Why you f___in' hard on! I'll f___ing Carlton Fisk yer f___in' head with a Louise-ville f___in' slugger! Whadya think of that a__ f___!?"

*Another car approaches*
F1: "Hi Willie."
Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, nice to see ya M'am. Not a bad day, huh?"
F1: "Well, I'm a little lost. Could you help me out? I hear your the best with directions."
Toll Booth Willie: "Well I know my way around New England. I can tell ya that much. So where ya headed?"
F1: "Well, I was just wondering exactly which is the best way to drive up your a__. You know, if you'd tell me, I'd appreciate it, you f___in' p____."
*Drives off*
Toll Booth Willie: "You f___in' b____! f___ you! You forgot to pay the f___in' toll you dirty w____! I'll f___in' drop you with a boot to the f___in' skull you c__ guzzling queen!"

*Another car approaches*
M3: "Hey Willie."
Toll Booth Willie: "Hey, how are ya?"
M3: "Here's a dollar twenty-five, and go f___ yourself."
*Pays toll and drives off*
Toll Booth Willie: "Dah, you f___in' p____! I hope you choke on a f___in' bottle cap, ya f___in' son of a f___! Eat s___! Eat my s___!"

*Another car approaches*
Bishop Nelson: "Hello Willie. Good to see you."
Toll Booth Willie: "Ahhh, Bishop Nelson. Nice to see ya. That was quite a sermon you had the other day."
Bishop Nelson: "Hey, well I do my best."
Toll Booth Willie: "Dollar twenty-five, Bishop."
Bishop Nelson: "Dollar twenty-five, Willie. Isn't that the same price your mother charges for a b_______, you piece of dog s___!?"
*Pays toll and drives off*
Toll Booth Willie: "Ohhh! Have another one, you f___in' lush! It's not my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya f___in' douche bag!"

*Another car approaches*
M5: "Hey!"
Toll Booth Willie: "Well hey!"
M5: "Yeah, do you want the money, or should I just shove the quarters directly up your fat a__!?"
*Pays toll and drives off*
Toll Booth Willie: "Well, I already heard that one you f___in' unoriginal b______! Go suck a c___ you piece of f___in' repeatin' s___!"

*Another car approaches*
F2: "Hi."
Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, hi. How are ya?"
F2: "Fine, thank you. How much is the toll please?"
Toll Booth Willie: "For you sweetheart, it's a dollar twenty-five."
F2: "Here ya go."
*Pays toll*
F2: "Thank you."
*Begins to drive off*
Toll Booth Willie: "Hey! Hey! Honey! Would you like a receipt with that?"
F2: "Oh, I almost forgot. Thank you so much."
*Toll Booth Willie scribbling a receipt for her*
Toll Booth Willie: "And here ya are."
F2: "Umm, do you think you could sign it?"
Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, uh.. sign it?"
F2: "Yeah, sign Toll Booth Willie was here."
Toll Booth Willie: "Ok, sure. Uhh, by the way, what is this for?"
*Signing receipt*
F2: "Just so I could have proof for my friends that I met the biggest f___in' dip s___ with the smallest d___ alive. You understand."
*Drives off*
*Crumples up paper*
Toll Booth Willie: "f___ you, you f___in' upity b____! I'll f___in' f___ you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends in front of your f___in' mothers! You're gonna die, b____! I'm comin' outta the booth!"
*Opens the door and runs out of the booth*

*Car screeches and hits him*
Toll Booth Willie: "Ooooh! My f___in' leg!"
M6: "Hey! You ran over Toll Booth Willie!"
M7: "Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over a
dried up stinky d___ licker."
Toll Booth Willie: "Why you f___in' p____s. I f___in' hear every f___in' word yer saying! When this f___in' leg heals, I'm gonna kick you guys new f___in' a__holes!"

*Everyone cussing each other out*