Eminem Eminem - Criminal Lyrics

[Intro]
A lot of people ask me stupid f___in' questions
A lot of people think that what I say on record
Or what I talk about on a record
That I actually do in real life, or that I believe in it
Or if I say that I wanna kill somebody, that
I'm actually gonna do it, or that I believe in it
Well s___, if you believe that, then I'll kill you
You know why?

Cuz I'm a criminal
Criminal
(You g______ right)
I'm a criminal
Yeah, I'm a criminal

[Eminem]
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
And I'll stab you in the head, whether you're a f__ or les
A h___sex, hermaph, or a transeves
Pants address, hey f__s, the answer's yes
h___phobic?
Nah, you're just heterophobic
Starin' in my jeans, watchin' my genetiles bulgin'
That's my m________in' b____, you better let go of 'em
They belong in my s______, you'll never get ahold of 'em
Hey, it's me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me
And I was just checkin' the mail
Get it, checkin' the male?
How many records you expectin' to sell?
After your second LP sends you directly to jail
Come on, relax cat
I like gay men, right Ken?
Give me an Amen
"Amen!"
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Uh, please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute, while my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher, preacher, 5th grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a g______ thing
Cuz I watch TV on Comcast cable
And you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from toppin' these charts
And you can't stop me from droppin' each March
With a brand new CD for these f___in' r_____s
And to think, it's just lil' ol' me
Mr. 'don't give a f___' still won't leave
I'm a...

I'm a criminal
Cuz everytime I write a rhyme
These people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal
I don't gotta say a word
I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin'
I don't take s___ from no one

The mother did drugs, hard liquor, cigarettes and speed
The baby came out disfigured, ligaments in need
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby cuz that baby was me
I'm a criminal
An animal caged to turn crazed
But how the f___ you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My d___ shrunk smaller but my b____ got larger
I drink more liquor to f___ you up quicker
Then you'd wanna f___ me after sayin' a word
My morals went *pft* when the president got oral
s__ in his Oval Office on top of his desk
From his own employee, now don't ignore me
You won't avoid me, you can't miss me
I'm white, blonde hair, and my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
In plane crashes, and laughs, as long as it ain't happen to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Eminem and Kim combined
(The maniac sent) In place of the doctor
Cuz Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin' his place
Oh, that's Dre, with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should kept that thing put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with an A
I'm a criminal!

[Dre] (Eminem)
Alright look (uh-huh)
Just go up in that m________a
Get the m________in' money and get the f___ up outta there
(Alright)
I'll be right here waitin' on you
(Alright)
Yo Em!
(What?!)
Don't kill nobody this time!
(Alright!)
(g______, this m________a gets on my f___in' nerves)

[Eminem] (Bank teller)
(Hi) How you doin'?
(How can I help you?)
Yeah, I need to make a withdrawl
(Okay)
Put the f___in' money in the bag b____
And I won't kill you
(Oh my God, don't kill me)
I'm not gonna kill you b____
Quit lookin' around
(Don't kill me, I've got 2 kids at home, don't kill me)
I told you I'm not gonna f___in' kill you
Hurry the f___ up!
*gun shot*
THANK YOU!

[Eminem]
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it
I'll hide for 5 minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die b____es
Passed this scratched 'Vette
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his a__ yet
If I ever gave a f___, I'd shave my nuts
Tuck my d___ in between my legs and cluck
You m________in' chickens ain't brave enough
To say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut
s___, half the s___ I say, I just make it up
To make you mad, so kiss my white naked a__
And if it's not a rapper that I'll make it as
I'mma be a f___in' rapist in a Jason mask