Dane Cook Bathroom Lyrics

Isn't that the worst when you have to?
Godamnit..you j walk in, right. Here's the first thing, I don't care.
Anywhere in the country you go, why when you walk into a public restroom.
Why is everything f___ing wet?! Right, there's puddles,
water all over the counter. It's dripping like you're in a f___ing cave.
What happened? Was there like a s___gy dog in there after a bath?
Just came in and-.

Then god forbid you have to use the stall, right.
You go in there, you sit down, you try to close the door which
apparently Van Dam kicked in.
Why are they all broken? Who was running in the bathroom
like I gotta s___? *pound* I can't s___ with a door in front of me!
*punch*
f___ing door! I don't like being in a perfect square when I s___.
*punch*
Good. Broken. I like that. Now I can...s___.
*punch*
Door...

Then you're sitting there, right.
And then you start to read... you start reading like all the most evil
ignorant s___ ever is all around you! You just sit there.
It's not just written with pencil, it's f___ing CARVED!
Who is carving on the toilet?
Who is so p___ed off while they're taking a c___ they're like...
*fart*
g______ Jews!
*fart*
UGH Blacks!
*fart*
UGH! Here's my favorite too, on the walls someone always has to write...
Mike was here. But then somebody else puts an arrow and writes
Mike is a f__got.
Like Mike is coming back to check it out...
What the f___ is this? I was here but not as a f__got!
I'm trying to make a statement here.
There's always like a girls number, always a girls number.
Is anybody ever f___ing call?!...
How did you meet you're wife John?... I was taking a c___...