If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well I'd buy you a house (I'd buy you a house)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you furniture for your house (maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice reliant automobile)
And if I had a million dollars, I'd buy your love

If I had a million dollars I'd build a tree-fort in our yard
If I had a million dollars you could help, it wouldn't be that hard
If I had a million dollars maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there somewhere.
"You know, we could just go up there and hang out."
"Like open the fridge and stuff, and there'd all be foods laid out for us like little pre-wrapped sausages and things. They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon."
"Well can you blame them?"
"Yeah."

If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well I'd buy you a fur a coat (but not a real fur coat, that's cruel)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well I'd buy you an exotic pet (yep, like a llama or an emu)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (all them crazy elephant bones)
And if I had a million dollars I'd buy your love

If I had a million dollars we wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I had a million dollars we'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I had a million dollars we wouldn't have to eat Kraft dinner
"But we would eat Kraft dinner."
"Of course we would, we'd just eat more."
"And buy really expensive ketchups with it."
"That's right, all the fanciest Dijon ketchups."

If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Wel I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress that's cruel)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well I'd buy you some art (A Picasso or a Garfunkel)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?!)
And if I had a million dollars I'd buy your love

If I had a million dollars; if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars; if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars... I'd be rich!

See also:
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