Joe Budden Heaven Or Hell Lyrics

Gotta watch my back, It ain't safe at night
It's too much to do, gotta get my paper right
and its alot of my dogs, they either dead or in jail
but if i kill myself, would it be heaven or hell?

Yo at this present time, its alot of nonsense at stake
too many ideas & decisions left to contemplate
too much to deal wit
too much to make a n____ have to steal s___
And its hurtin, cuz i gotta feel it
with too much anger
too many n____s know me, but they don't know me
a___yzed popular stranger
and peep how n____s try to change ya
but i can't cope with no antidote
two options, one is slittin' my wrist
go to the precinct with a clip my fist
so i keep a cig in my lips, s___ is painful,
f___ suicide, done did too much dirt to know if I'ma be angel
So help me god, cryin in my sleep
cause you ain't pull me out of shark infested waters to die on the beach
and I was told "don't trust, cause they plot at the end'
So i treat friends as nobodies, and nobody as friend
yo it just seems like troubles followin me
lock & key,
stuck in the belly of the beast, and its swallowin me
with no cream,
with no bundle to hustle and no scheme
no n____s to run with and no team
tell me what its like to have ran out of options when you goin all out
or what its like to be in love and fall out
just want to put it behind me and breathe
without the f___in 9 to squeeze
without the weed and Hennessey to keep my mind at ease
without rollin over, coilin myself, tryin to sleep
without bein homeless & starvin and dyin to eat
s___ wasn't like this at the youth house
thoughout my teen years been forced to grow up too fast
m_________er i'm not a youth now
wish i could let alot of people see the true Mouse
but i'm too scared to see him myself
what'd be the use now?

See I've done changed too much, I guess the water ran dry
Man I been put through s___, For most of my life
And I done lost my breath, but still i'm tryin to fight
I can't take no more, cause i'm dyin inside

From houses to gas stations, I've done robbed them all
facing 10 to 20, that'll start a robber's fall
Jacked whips in parking lots, I got the drop from Fords
and this amount of victims coming out a shopping mall
I'm a totally different n____ when i'm copping the raw
apartments with ADT, got through the locks in the door
I met some dollared out chicks, somehow i got in the drawers
seen n____s dyin, cold blood that got shot in the war
want a seed for the wrong reasons to see me different
in hopes of me guiding so he'll never have to see a prison
but my shorty got it f___ed up
or maybe i just got it f___ed up
somebody got it f___ed up
what a n____ got besides his music
thirsty as hell, can't smoke the water, cause I know that i'll abuse it
And mufuckas can't afford to see that fuse lit
they can't afford to see a n____ on some new s___
and where my pops at? A n____ need him now
show up later on when im black, and f___, i'm bleedin now
showin' my moms another side she never seen in me
how the f___ she don't understand when its her genes in me
how'd I progress in therapy while wantin' to leave this world
and I know how to beat the system, but can't beat the world
talk that "take my own life to get off the scene quick"
unfortunate that i'm too much of a genius to really mean s___

Gotta watch my back, It ain't safe at night
it's too much to do, gotta get my paper right
and its alot of my dogs, they either dead or in jail
but if i kill myself, would it be heaven or hell?