Frank Zappa Smell My Beard Lyrics

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
George Duke (keyboards)
Ruth Underwood (percussion)
Tom Fowler (bass)
Chester Thompson (drums)

FZ:
Now the sound that you hear in the background right now, is the sound caused by George Duke, agitating two metal insignias. These are badges that he removed from a coupla boogers that Marty tried to palm off on him in the last town that we was in. Actually theyre booger pasties and he's____ting the booger pasty with a little stick to get a very interesting musical effect, you know he does this every night. And sometimes he becomes so overwrought, so excited by the fact that he's actually touching a piece of metal that might have at one time come in contact with the actual flesh of a booger bear. And so sometimes he misses it.

George:
Oh, Lord have mercy . . .

FZ:
And he hits his thumb and he hurts hisself. Yes it hurts very much, but he likes pain. We can tell that he likes pain because he's in this group.

George:
But, but, its very close to other things . . .

FZ:
Yes but later that night after George was finished fondling the booger pasty, a thought came to his mind, how, how can I possibly get any nook tonight in (pasege ?) if I don't put this thing down and play the piano and get funky for these people. And so George, as you say in your language, took it away . . .

George:
But before we get funky, the continuing stories of . . .

Napoleon:
Moontrick . . .

George:
No, this aint moontrick this time, we go to moontrick next show. This is the continuing stories of the boogers of Marty Perellis. Do you all know who he is? There he is. Hes got a white shirt on an a . . .

FZ:
Your two-hunderd and fifty closest relatives, the Mothers of Invention . . .

George:
Yes, anyway, he was in my room. I invited some people over. Young ladies. They looked interesting. Their names shall go unmentioned.

FZ:
The reason they looked interesting is because they apparently were intelligent enough to dress themselves.

George:
Anyway what was happening was . . . nothing. Ha ha, wasnt nothing happening. So I said Lets get this party on the road. I said lemme call the roadmanager. I said whats your name. Mighty Perellis come down here and meet Miss Cool, Miss Dew & Miss eh, Miss Stool. So we, so Marty got in there and he was there about five minutes and all of a sudden I began to hear other things. I said what you doing over there? I said I never heard nobody do that king of thing before. I said come out of that corner, whats wrong with you, so he comissed it. We were all asking: Men what youre doing over there?

FZ:
Really whipping it, just whipping it into a frenzy.

George:
All of a sudden he was gone. I look around and Marty had took the Booger out of his room. I said: Where you going? He went down to his room which was room 33. An hour later I went to his room. I knocked on his door. I said: What you doin? He said . . . I said: Say that again. I said: Ho ho. It was late. We had an eight o clock wake up. You all know what that is. Eight o clock wake up, eight o clock wake up, eight o clock wake up, eight o clock wake up, eight o clock wake up, eight o clock wake up ahrrrrrr. So Marty came out in the hall and looked in the pool and he said, can I say this? He said: Smell my beard. I said: You must be crazy.

Napoleon:
I had to smell it . . .

George:
Show, how ywas walking Marty. And he said: Smell my beard. I said: I aint gonna smell nothing. Napoleon said: Ill . . .

Napoleon:
Check it out, I told you, check it out, make sure . . .

George:
Anyway if you wanna hear . . .

Napoleon:
You know what it smell like . . .

FZ:
Marty's odor.

George:
Come to the next show for the continuing stories of

Napoleon:
Marty's odor

George:
Marty's trick. But for now we go to . . .

See also comments to track 10 "Let's Move To Cleveland Solos".