Robbie: Hey, stop for a second. I mean, really stop. What if Tripod had to write a song about army recruitment? With a reference to McLeod's Daughters? Well, turns out they DID have to!

Gatesy: Joining today's modern defence force is hard enough. First you have to choose - Navy, Air Force, Army, KISS Army, Salvation Army, Army of Darkness. But even once you've chosen, you have to make the grade...

Tripod: I'm way too skinny for the army,
Way too slender for the job.
What can I do if my country doesn't want me,
'Cause my talents only stretch to mini-golf?

I'm way too uncool for the army,
All that running through car tyres.
I guess that would come in handy,
If you invaded a country whose terrain was all car tyres.

But I'm skinny and I'm clever,
Maybe now, more than ever,
The technology has caught up with me.
If wars have gone all electronic,
I could fight them with my joystick,
As long as they bring pizza to me.
Then I could be in the army.

Gatesy: It's not tricky to imagine,
Me in a bunker, at a screen.
Controlling reconnaissance robots, maybe mine-detecting robots,
Even robots who run through tyres.

Tripod: But I'm skinny and I'm clever,
Maybe now, more than ever,
The technology has caught up with me.
If wars have gone all electronic,
I could fight them with my joystick,
While watching McLeod's Daughters on TV.
Then I could be in the army.

Scod: I was never good at PacMan,
Tripod: But at Defender I'd light up the skies.
Scod: I was never good at Frogger,
Tripod: It's much too much like hopping over tyres.
Scod: And if I don't get in the army,
Tripod: I could become an evil mastermind.
Yon: Live in an underwater tower,
Tripod: And wearing shiny skivvies all the time,
That would be fine.

Scod: I'm skinny and I'm clever,
Tripod: Maybe now, more than ever,
The technology has caught up with me.
Yon and Gatesy: If I could make up my mind...
Scod: If wars have gone all electronic,
Tripod: I could fight them with my joystick,
As long as they bring pizza to me.
Then I could be in the army.

Gatesy: Thankyou!

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