I'm the official historian
of Shirley Jean Berrell
I've know her since God only knows
and I won't tell
I caught her the first time
that she stumbled and fell
And Shirley, she knows me just as well.

I can tell you her birthday
and her daddy's middle name
The uncles on her mama's side
and the one they don't claim
What she's got for Christmas since 1952
And that's only the beginning of
the things I could tell you

I'm the official historian
of Shirley Jean Berrell
I've known her since God only knows
and I won't tell
I caught her the first time
she stumbled and fell
And Shirley, she knows me just as well.

I can tell you her favorite song
and where she likes to park
And why to this very day
she's scared of the dark
How she got her nickname
and that scar behind her knee
If there's anything you need to know
about Shirley just ask me.

I know where she's ticklish
and her every little quirk
The funnies she don't read
and her number at work
I know what she stands for
and what she won't allow
The only thing that I don't know
is where she is right now

I'm the official historian
of Shirley Jean Berrell
I've know her since God only knows
and I won't tell
I caught her the first time
she stumbled and fell
And Shirley she knows me just as well.

Oh Shirley she knows me just as well...

The End.

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