Where the exit-door leads in,
he scrutinises, circling clockwise,
counting two out of the three,
slightly above the first degree.

"Has there been blood?"
he asks politely,
as once a year we do explore
with my head resting on the pillow,
gateways towards
Plutonian shores.

Some are caused by downward pressure,
so don't strain when opening bowels,
the simply joys of maidenhood,
the red-eyed fox is on the prowl.

Rubber-bands for arteries,
these Indian seeds do soak like flees,
reduce the use of salts and lose some weight,
walk half an hour every day.

I openly dislike your vagueness
in handling hours we appoint,
but when you choose
your p___ouns rightly,
I do silently rejoice!

Some are caused by downward pressure,
so don't strain when opening bowels,
the simply joys of maidenhood,
the red-eyed foxes on the prowl.

So, listen closely, girls and boys,
this song is about haemorrhoids.
Not anyone's, but mine of course ... -
a secret part I now disclose.

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