Performed by Adam Sandler and Jennifer Lien

"And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's valedictorian."

Valedictorian: "I really appreciate you're asking me out. Most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement."

Buffoon: "This movie sucks s___!"

Valedictorian: "Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up, but Ciscel thought it was too preachy. Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly."

Buffoon: "Cathleen Turner has big f___in' t__s!"

Valedictorian: "Yes, well, she recently had a child. I think her maternal biology may play a role in that. She looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn't she?"

Buffoon: "I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his f___in' head off."

Valedictorian: "Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process."

Buffoon: "That girl in the f___ing car in front of us, she gives everybody head."

Valedictorian: "Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it."

[Buffoon eating popcorn]
Buffoon: "This popcorn's f___in' terrible. It tastes like someone j__zed all over it."
[Buffoon continues to eat popcorn]

Valedictorian: "Well the amount of s____ on this popcorn is certainly disturbing. Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome by the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank."

Buffoon: "I looked at my a__hole in the mirror today. It blew my f___in' mind!"

Valedictorian: "It's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd and unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis."

Buffoon: "My father's s___ stinks up the bathroom all f___in' day!"

Valedictorian: "It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more overpowering than another's. I wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person's internal metabolism."

Buffoon: "I'm gonna go get head from that f___in' girl."
[Gets out of the car]

Valedictorian: "Well, I'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrupt conclusion."
[Buffoon walking away]
"I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future rendezvous."

Buffoon: "I like to p___ in that guy's f___in' gas tank"

Valedictorian: "Bye bye! Have fun."
[Buffoon continues to walk away]

See also:
JustSomeLyrics
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48.115
5.Suffocation-Torn Into Enthrallment Lyrics
6.Suffocation-The Invoking Lyrics