ADAM:
Tell you 'bout them sobbin' women
Who lived in the Roman days.
It seems that they all went swimmin'
While their men was off to graze.
Well, a Roman troop was ridin' by
And saw them in their me-oh-my,
So they took 'em all back home to dry,
'Least that's what Plutarch says.

Oh, yes!
Them a'women were sobbin', sobbin', sobbin',
Fit to be tied,
Every muscle was throbbin', throbbin',
From that riotous ride,
Seems they cried and kissed and kissed and cried
All over that Roman countryside,
So don't forget that when you're takin' a bride,
Sobbin' fit to be tied,
From that riotous ride.

GIDEON:
So, then what happened?

ADAM:
Gather 'round and I'll tell ya.
They never did return their plunder
The victor gets all the loot
They carried 'em home, by thunder
To rotundas small, but cute
And you never seen, so they tell me
Such downright domesticity
With a Roman baby on each knee
Named Claudius and Brute.

BROTHERS:
Oh, yes!
And the women were sobbin', sobbin', sobbin',

ADAM:
Passing them nights,
While the Romans was goin' out hob-nobbin',
Startin' up fights.

DANIEL
Is that so?

ADAM:
They kept occupied by sewin' lots
Of little old togas for them tots,
And sayin' some day womenfolk'll have rights.

DANIEL, GIDEON & EPHRAIM:
Passing all of their nights,

ADAM:
Just sewin'

FRANK, BENJAMIN & CALEB:
While the Romans had fights.

CALEB:
Hey, listen to this!
Now, when the menfolk came to fetch 'em,
The women would not be fetched,

FRANK:
It seems when the Romans ketch 'em,
Their lady friends stay ketched.

ADAM:
Right!
Now let this be, because it's true,
A lesson to the likes of you,
Rough 'em up like them there Romans do,
Or else they'll think you're tetched.

BROTHERS:
Oh, yes!
And the women were sobbin', sobbin', sobbin',
Buckets of tears,

ADAM:
Mighty sad!

BROTHERS:
On account of old Dobbin, Dobbin,
Really rattled their ears.

ADAM:
And that ain't all!
Oh, they acted angry and annoyed,

GIDEON:
But secretly, they was overjoyed

ADAM:
You might recall that when corrallin' your steers!

BROTHERS:
Oh, oh, oh, oh, them poor little dears.

ADAM:
What are you sittin' there for?
Why don't we go down and get 'em!

BROTHERS:
Oh, yes!
And the women were sobbin', sobbin', sobbin',
Weepin' a ton,
Just remember what Robin, Robin,
Robin Hood would have done,
We'll be just like them there Merry Men,
And make 'em all merry once again,

ADAM:
And though they'll be a'sobbin' for a while,

BROTHERS:
Oh, yes!

ALL:
We're goin' to make them sobbin' women smile!

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