Adam Sandler Adam Sandler - Do it for your Mama (funny as hell) Lyrics

J.N.:] "I can make a bigger splash than you!"
[Jimmy:] "Oh yeah, give it a shot."

[While jumping up and down on diving board]
[J.N.:] "Can opener!"
[Big splash]
[Jimmy:] "Man, that one was huge."
[J.N.:] "You go."

[While running towards pool]
[Jimmy:] "Ahhhh, jacknife!"

[Jumps in and small splash]
[Tracy:] "That was a dud, Jimmy."
[Jimmy:] "Shutup, Tracy."
[Tracy:] "You shutup."

[Door opens, walks over]
[Momma:] "Lunch time kids."

[Kids yelling happily]
[Momma:] "I made some jelly sandwiches and sliced up some cantelope.
I figured you could eat a little food and and then maybe play with yer c___ and b____ fer a while."
[J.N.:] "I'm just gonna eat, mom."
[Momma:] "All right. And then maybe a little later, you can play with yer c___ and b____ fer momma."
[J.N.:] "I don't think so."
[Momma:] "Ok. Slow down Jimmy, yer already halfway done with yer sandwhich.
You're gonna get a belly ache."
[Jimmy:] "No I'm not. I'm hungry."
[Momma:] "I know, but you shouldn't so fast.
You're rushing honey, you're gonna choke. Put down your sandwhich and beat off your c___ and b____ for a little bit. Pace yourself."
[Jimmy:] "Oh god."

[Momma:] "Tracy, do you want some fruit or a sandwhich?"
[Tracy:] "No mom, I'm trying to lose weight. Guy said I'm getting fat."
[Momma:] "What? You look beautiful honey. He's crazy."
[Tracy:] "Guy said last summer I looked better in a bathing suit, so I'm gonna try to lose like three or four pounds."
You've got so much to learn.
Guy doesn't want you to lose weight, baby.
It's just his way of telling you he wants you to smack around his c___ and b____ some more, honey.
He's got some b____ and some c___. You gotta stroke his s______ or at least bite his nuts."
[Tracy:] "Mom!"
[Momma:] "You're scared, aren't ya honey.
You want momma to help you?
Momma will stroke Guy's p____ for him.
No one has to know. I'll sneak in when it's dark."
[Tracy:] "No! Mom, please!"
[Momma:] "You don't know how to tug on the c___ and b____?
You need momma to show you?
Get me a carrot, sweetheart.
Where are you going!?"

[J.N.:] "Mom, where's the suntan lotion?"
[Momma:] "It's under the chair baby.
You gonna lube up yer c___ and b____ and wack it for a little bit?"
[J.N.:] "Uhh, no. I'm just going to put some on my face so I don't get sunburnt."
[Momma:] "Smart thinking honey.
And while yer at it you can put some on your brother's ding dong and knock around his nuts for him."
[Jimmy:] "Mom!"
[Momma:] "What Jimmy. Why don't you let your brother wack your c___ and nuts for a little bit.
You're not playing with them right now so why not let him. Share, baby!"
[Jimmy:] "You're weird mom! I'm going swimming!"
[Momma:] "Oh, you shouldn't swim for a half an hour. I read that."
[Jimmy:] "Why?"
[Momma:] "Because you just ate, honey.
And you'll get cramps.
Why don't you just lay on the side of the pool and jiggle your b____ for momma."
[Jimmy:] "It's ok. I'll stay in the shallow end."
[Momma:] "Ok, baby. But don't hurt yourself with that big juicy hog of yours."

[Jimmy:] "Hey, J.N. Throw me that frisby."
[J.N.:] "Here! Whoops!"

[Sails over and falls to the ground]
[Jimmy:] "Nice throw. Right over the fence and into the Chasen's yard."
[Momma:] "Don't get all huffy puffy. I'll get it.
Momma will make everything all right.
J.N. you watch Jimmy and make sure he's safe in that water."
[J.N.:] "Ok, ma."
[Momma:] "And if you want you can beat your c___ and b____. Hi Mr. Chasen!"
[Mr. Chasen: "Oh, hi Emily. How are you?"
[Momma:] "Oh, the boys threw the frisbee over the fence again.
And there it is under the bush."
[Mr. Chasen:] "I'll get it for you."
[Momma:] "Sorry. Thank you.
And while your under that bush, why don't you jack around your c___ and b____ for yourself.
You can stare at my jugs and play with that healthy w___ of yours."
[Mr. Chasen:] "No, I'll just.. I'll just get your frisbee."
[Momma:] "All right baby."
[Mr. Chasen:] "Here you go."
[Momma:] "Thank you. Thanks. Thank Mr. Chasen, boys!"
[Boys:] "Thanks Mr. Chasen!"
[Mr. Chasen:] "You're welcome fellas."
[Momma:] "Have a good day.
Oh, and..and tell your son Tommy,
if he wants to come over later and play with his c___ and b____ with the kids he's always welcome.
I don't know what happened with him and the boys,
but they don't seem to be friendly anymore."
[Mr. Chasen:] "I'll do that Emily."
[Momma:] "All right. He's got a big one. You know that."

[Momma:] "Tracy! You're boyfriend Guy's car just pulled up."
[Tracy:] "Ok mom. Please don't embarass me!"
[Momma:] "Everything embarasses you at this age, but I'll do my best.
Don't worry."
[Guy:] "Is it ok to come in?"
[Tracy:] "Come on back here guy!"
[Momma:] "Oh!"
[Tracy:] "Thanks for coming over!"
[Momma:] "Nice to see you Guy."
[Guy:] "Hi Mrs. Tucker."
[Momma:] "Why don't you go for a swim with the others?"
[Guy:] "I didn't bring a bathing suit with me."
[Momma:] "Oh no! You don't need a bathing suit.
Just pull off your clothes and let your c___ and b____ feel the nice warm water."
[Guy:] "Uhhh, that's ok, Mrs. Tucker."
[Momma:] "Come on! Pull out your c___ and b____.
The water's heated. You'll love it."
[Tracy:] "Mom! Stop it! Now!"
[Momma:] "What are you talking about, honey!?
This way his b____ are out, you can stroke his ding dong in front of all of us.
Come on, pull out that hog of yours.
I wanna see it anyways.
I wanna know what my daughter's been stroking."
[Tracy:] "Mom! Stop it!"
[Momma:] "In fact, everybody, pull out your c___ and b____ and rub it for momma.
Play with yourself. It'll be good. Everyone. Wack away!"
[J.N.:] "You're sick mom! I'm leaving."
[Jimmy:] "I'm going to Billy's house. I can't take this anymore."

[Walking away]
[Guy:] "Come on, let's go."
[Tracy:] "You've humiliated me and Guy. We are so outta here."

[Momma:] "What did I do? What is the matter with you all?
Come back here!
You're ruining the day!
It's so beautiful out.
This is too much of a..."

[Picks up phone and starts dialing while car drives off]
"I can't take these kids anymore..."

[Phone rings and gets picked up]
[Grandma:] "Hello?"
[Momma:] "Momma, it's me, I'm very upset,"
[Grandma:] "Oh, what's the matter, baby?"
[Momma:] "The kids are yelling at me and they left me here all alone."
[Grandma:] "Did you tell them the kids to play with their c___ and b____?"
[Momma:] "I told them to play with their c___ and b____."
[Grandma:] "And what did they say?"
[Momma:] "They don't wanna play with them anymore."
[Grandma:] "Why don't they wanna play with them anymore?"
[Momma:] "I don't understand. They've got c___ and b____. They should play with them."
[Grandma:] "Poppy always loves when I play with his c___ and b____."
[Momma:] "You smack around daddy's c___ still, why shouldn't they beat theirs?"
[Grandma:] "Tell them to come over to grandma's house. I'll play with their c___ and b____."
[Momma:] "Oh momma."