I fancy i'll open a stationers,
Stock quaint notepads for weekend pagans,
While you were out at the Rollright stones,
I came and set fire to your shed,

Cos you probably work in an all night garage,
you probably work in an all night garage,
You probably work in an all night garage with Talk radio on,

And you Curse my soul if i dont want petrol,
Curse my soul if i dont want petrol,
I only came down for a tube of pringles,
Sour Cream 'n' Chive,

And because yo've got to get up off your fat a___ to go and get my crisps,
And you've gotta go around the counter,
And its really ... Inconvienient,
And when you come back you toss them into the sliding metal tray device thingy that separates us,
And you say one pound thirty five,
As opposed to That'll be one pound thirty five please sir,

This is of course done to annoy me,
But has the opposite affect of amusing me no end,
Because suddenly i've got other things to buy,

I'll two scotch eggs and a jar of marmite,
two scotch eggs and a jar of marmite,
two scotch eggs and a jarof marmite,
What sandwhiches have you got?

Well now you become quite irate,
and your voice becomes louder and you start to sound like Lead Valley at the depot,

I GOT HAM,

I GOT CHEESE,

I GOT CHICKEN,

I GOT BEEF,

I GOT TUNA SWEETCORN

I GOT TUNA SWEETCORN,

I'll have ten kitkats and a motoring atlas,
ten kitkats and a motoring atlas,
And a blue cd on the hallmark label,
thats sure to be good,

Oh he went to play golf on a sunday morning,
Just a mile and a half from town,
His head was found on the driving range,
And his body has never been found

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