Kevin Bloody Wilson The Festival of Light. Lyrics

Ah, the Festival of Life is 'in' to save my f___in' soul
They don't want me drinkin' p___ or screwin' round no more
But they've got f___in' Buckley's chance I'm giving you the score
Still the Festival of Life keeps tryin' to save my f___in' soul

It's Saturday afternoon at last, it's what you've waited for all week
Relax and put the feet up, turn the footy on TV
You're expecting Vern and Bluey round, they'll probably stay all night
A coupla mates and a coupla beers - aw, Christ, this is the life
Well, here they are already, you just heard the car door slam
You wedge yourself out of your chair, get up to let 'em in
But it's some w___er that you've never met, with a briefcase in his hand
Some p____ just out of Bible school, who thinks he's God's right hand

Halleluiah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Chorus

Ah, the Festival of life keeps tryin' to save my f___in' soul

They don't want me drinkin' p___ or screwin' round no more

But they've got f___in' Buckley's chance I'm giving you the score

Still the Festival of Life keeps tryin' to save my f___in' soul

'I'm Elder Robbins 'n' he's Elder Pike 'n' we'd like to talk to y'all

'Bout eternal salvation, won't take but a minute or more

We got a book we think y'aII should read, 'bout how y'all should live

My, what a charmin' home y'all have - y'all mind it we come in?'

'Well, I'd love t'invite yer in yer know, but the joint's a f___in' mess

And there's an orgy ragin' in the lounge, and every c___'s undressed!

And I'd love yer to meet the missus, Shirl, but she's a bit crook in bed

She says she's got a real sore throat through givin' too much head!'

Gobblegobble, gobblegobble, gobblegobble

Repeat Chorus

All snuggled up on Sunday mornin' and you wake up with a horn

You grab the missus on the a___, oh, Christ she feels so warm

The scene is set, the mood's just right, you're about to slip it in

Then - (knock knock, knock) - there's that f___in' door again!

'Good morning, sir, did I get you up?

Sorry, I'm David and this is Pam

We're missionaries who've come to talk of Man's eternal plan

And to discuss the holy future and reflect the holy past.'

So you flash your d___ and scream 'I'll holy shove this up your a___!'

Up your a___hole, up your a___hole, up your a___hole

Repeat Chorus

Well it's not like it's just once or twice, it's every d___ weekend

Now how d'ya think they'd like it if we done the same to them?

You know, turn up on their doorstep at a time they least expect

Try and ram our way of life down their f___in' necks!

Just imagine for a minute the reception that you'd get

With a couple of stick books in your hand and a carton on the steps

And your missus chewin' chewin' gum in a really low-cut dress

And you in thongs and overalls-you know, your f___in' Sunday best!

What a yobbo, what a yobbo, what a yobbo

Repeat Chorus

Gidday, we're p___ed-up testecostacals, I'm Kevin and this is Shirl

We've come to introduce you c___s to a whole new f___in' world

We've come to preach the good news, we think it's what you need to hear

We'll show you more fun in five minutes than you've had all f___in' year!

Now You, sweetheart, you come with me and I'll teach you how to sin

And Sister Shirl, old sort, 'll suck your sav until your 'ead caves in~

Aw s___, your missus just fainted, so we won't bother comin' in

We'll just p___ off back to our place-just drop ten bucks in the tin

'Nother carton, 'nother carton, 'nother carton

Repeat Chorus Twice